I want to talk more about what it means to love yourself, because I think it’s easy to confuse it with smaller acts of pampering. I get so annoyed with self-care suggestions that are ultimately just lists of ways to pamper yourself – go to the spa, take a bubble bath, have a glass of wine, etc.
Don’t misunderstand me, those things can be helpful. But if you don’t truly love yourself, they’re barely addressing the problem.
Get your trusty journal out, let’s make some lists!
First off, make a list of what a loving relationship is to you. Not a sexual or familial relationship, although there’s nothing wrong with including those things. My list includes things like “supporting each other” and “helping each other succeed.”
Now dig down on those items. What does it look like when my husband helps me succeed? He makes it so I can take time to write, he understands when I need to bow out of an activity in order to handle some aspect of my business or training. He finds interesting articles and books and makes sure I know about them.
And finally, what if I did those things for myself? I’d plan my days – including things like appointments, errands, and chores – around having time to write. I wouldn’t beat myself up if I had to cancel attending an event so I could deal with business or training. I’d keep an eye out for ways to learn more.
So, what happens when I’m in a loving relationship with myself? I help myself succeed, I support myself. It’s not always easy – when I’m searching for ideas to write about, it’s a lot easier to go play a video game or watch TV and claim I’m waiting for inspiration to strike than it is to plant my rear in the chair and type. But I know that I’ll feel better about myself if I write, and when I think about it that way, it’s a no-brainer. I don’t actually need to save the good pixels from the bad pixels, I need to do things that will make me a successful writer.
So what happens when you are in a loving relationship with yourself?